During Carers Week Australia 2021, we want to celebrate everything carers do. To highlight the challenges faced by carers and to celebrate the amazing dedication carers have each and every day, we have written this blog about Jane in which she reflects on the challenges of being a carer for her partner.

Jane, 62, has been married to John, 64, for over 37 years. John means everything to Jane.

In July 2018, her husband suffered a stroke which left him severely weakened, both mentally and physically.  Two years ago, John was also diagnosed with Prostate Cancer. For the last 3 years, Jane has been John’s constant carer. Jane tells us: “When he had his stroke, our lives changed in a split second. Everything we took for granted is now gone”.

Along with the physical disabilities, John also has Aphasia, which occurred suddenly after his stroke. Aphasia is a condition that affects your ability to speak. It also influences his understanding of what is being said. John and Jane both grieve the part of their life that died when he had his stroke. 

Initially, Jane thought everything would soon get back to normal. It has taken her a long time to accept that this life is their ‘new’ normal. 

One of the hardest parts of this ‘new’ normal, is not so much the physical aspect of her husband’s disabilities, it is the positiveness and happiness that has disappeared from his character. His mental distress is very hard to detect. They are both sad, but each day Jane wakes up and shows John a smile. She doesn’t want to show him the physical pain as her joints creek and her body aches.

Following her husbands’ stroke, many people came to visit them: the phone was ringing constantly with offers of support and practical help. However, nowadays, most of these people moved on with their lives. The phone and knocking on the door are gone. 

Jane is John’s main source of stimulation, which no longer is enough. Most days he switches off and chooses to stay in bed and sleep, pulling the cover over his head… Recently they were introduced to a psychologist who has conducted Zoom meetings with John. This professional therapist has been a breath of fresh air as he has taken a holistic approach on the treatment. Slowly, Jane can see a little more positiveness in her man. The heavy burden, caused by his non-acceptance of their current situation, has begun to lift. A ‘can do' attitude is slowly creeping in and has begun to remove his negativity and ‘can’t do’ approach that had been there for so long. 

As time has gone by, Jane has come to terms with her new life; she has begun to realise the importance of looking after her own health and wellbeing. She has found a carer - Tim - who joins her husband twice a week. John and Jane both look forward to his visits: Jane for the ‘time out’ it gives ger, and John because he enjoys his company. 

Life is hard, every day is a battle, but when John laughs or smiles, the colour is back in their life : “I am the happiest person alive”. 

Conclusion

Caring for someone can be hard. Many people – just like Jane - don’t even realise they are carers, as they see it as part of their role supporting a loved one. It has never been more vital – especially in the past year and half - to raise awareness and improve carers lives and those they care for.

At Bettercaremarket we take our hat off to all those carers who - day in, day out - are there for the people they are caring for. For them, every week is Carers Week.